I recently read an article discussing the Mormon church and new information being published on our early history. While reading it I had an internal argument with the author and their sources, at times feeling flushed with anger at the completely one-sided assumptions that were being made.
So I took a step back, took a breath, and reminded myself that I am a follower of Christ, and that I needed to remember WWJD.
I returned to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints three years ago this month, after 4 years of inactivity. I returned because I was lost; searching for hope and grasping for truth. While inactive I joined in conversation about what was wrong with the church, how judged I felt as a "sinner", and felt cool rebelling against mainstream culture in my community. But every Sunday I spent
not keeping the Sabbath day holy, something within never felt comfortable. While participating in activities that were not in line with the commandments and doctrines of the gospel, a part of my mind would always remind me that what I was doing was wrong. Was this the brainwashing of my childhood doing it's work, the "suffocating" guidelines of the church forbidding me to be "free", even after I had left? For
myself, I know this was not true. For
myself, I look back on those years and see where my sweet Savior was continuing to grant me my free agency, and where the consequences of my actions were being levied, but with tenderness. With mercy.
As a Mormon, I am not perfect. As a Mormon, I see where others struggle with information about Church history that is new - Joseph and his wives, the pioneers acting according to their own conscience, the bringing about of the Book of Mormon. As a Mormon, I know how hard it is to stand as a witness of God in the current political climate, to maintain friendships with loved ones, with family. But as a Mormon, my heart is broken, my spirit contrite. I carry the commandments and doctrines given, attempting in this imperfect state to love perfectly, to balance
truth and tolerance.
There will be hard truths to accept, Joseph Smith's name will be used for good and evil, the actions of a few will be assumed the character of all, and the time to defend will come sooner than we may be ready. I can't answer for the injustices, I can't explain why it feels God has never answered a prayer, or why in the 21st century a gospel that is eternal doesn't seem to be socially acceptable, but they aren't my answers to give. They are God's to give in His time. We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ - of
Jesus Christ. I am a member because I found a testament of Christ in the Book of Mormon, and I know it to be true. Come what may- so-called secrets, multiple accounts, revelation that appears to bend to government rule more than the Higher Power it claims. Christ is at the head of my church, a church that declares free agency to all, and the promise of peace, happiness, eternal life
bound and sealed to loved ones should we obey the commandments of God. Not of a man. Commandments of God. Our prophets have been and are mortal, experiencing their own refiners fire in order to draw nearer to Him. And just as the hand of mercy has been extended to me, it is to all. If we stop expecting perfection from fellow mortals, we can spend more time defending the immortal, our Savior, God who is hastening His work, and who is the only one from whom perfection can be expected, and counted on.
